What is this path of embodying the feminine? Of desire? Of synchronicity? Of magic?
I thought to myself, "I wish I could lay down and rest." I then looked up and then was a bed hanging from a tree. Incredible. My desire was met within three seconds and in a more enchanting way than I could have even imagined. I never knew you could hang a bed from a tree.
But what about when our linear progression of more and better comes to a halt and loss, grief, letting go and heartache take a seat at the table and look you in the eye with no plans to leave soon?
There is a preference for the light aspects of the feminine and for me, a cycle of forgetting and remembering the immense power of the darker feminine. Dark not being evil. Dark being hidden. Dark being underground. Dark when destruction serves creation, where death is a part of life and darkness illuminates the repressed aspect of our own chaos, mystery and wholeness.
In moments of initiation, we realize you cannot force your way through the darkness. First, you learn you must surrender your egoic desires and accept oneself as is. The superpower of the darkness is when you learn to redirect the pain and use it as fuel for art, for creation.
There are stories of times past where darkness was revered as the phase before creation. You would plant a seed in the dark black fertile earth. A baby would grow in the darkness of the womb. And then a seed would break through the surface of the earth. And then a baby would be born into this world. In the natural cycle of things, the darkness was seen and appreciated as the precursor for creation.
Instead of avoiding darkness, can we bow and welcome it like Rumi's poem The Guest House.
The darkness comes because there must be a death of the ego self and the ego must die again and again, letting go of layers of false selves to continue the next opening and becoming. The surrender is when we can relax into the paradox that on a soul level, there is no polarity. It is only love. It is only love, even when the expression is experienced as dark. Still- just love.
The descent into darkness is rarely chosen and often forced by circumstance. All of a sudden, things must change and the process of shedding the past, reconnecting with truth and trusting the guidance from within must begin again. The ascent of consciousness is always balanced by the descent.
If we can get past our first layer resistance to the darkness as being bad or undesirable, we can honor it as having incredible power of transformation. In truth, when you look back at the most difficult moments of your life, you likely also see where you learned the most, made the most positive change or got more clarity about what was really important.
How do you be with the darkness when it knocks on your door? How can you even learn to love it enough to invite it in to dance?
For just a minute, let the darkness in. Not in a way where we collapse into our wounds like a screaming child, but as a woman who has lived enough life we can lessen the grasp on the ego's desires. We can feel our heart large enough, open enough, to hold the blessing and the challenges of a situation at the same time. We can surrender the need to analyze what is happening and be courageous enough to feel it all. When we feel it all, we heal it all.
I like the lyrics in India Arie's song, "life's gonna hurt, but it's meant to be felt." And "a life without pain is a wolf in Sheep's clothes" because "shadows make you whole."
The best way to do this that I know is through the body. Through dance. Turn on a song that captures the energy of the darkness that is ready to be danced. Ask someone to be a witness and watch you as you move repeating silently to themselves, "everything is going to be ok" or put a picture up of a saint, loved one or open the window and ask the tree to hold space for you as you go deeper within.
I offer this as one of the hearts who came here on a mission to love and is doing the best they can to stay connected to the non-dual reality of oneness in the polarized 3D reality. Such a dance! A community of like minded and like hearted and like souled people helps. We are not alone. Communication and articulation of the process helps. Saying it out loud vs. pretending it's not there is empowering. No one is exempt from the human experience and we can all relate. And as you open to the dance of darkness, you are tender and sensitive enough to remember that dancing always makes everything better.
On one particular morning, I read something that said, "don't worry about what you don't have, focus on how far you've come." Honor the darkness, but also honor the light.
I invite you to come dance with me, as whole and holy. Lots of traveling and teaching coming up- Minneapolis, Austin, Woodstock, Vancouver, New Zealand and Costa Rica. But please be sure to look into coming to Woodstock for the pay-what-you-can retreat and teacher training. It's a gift I give once a year and love when people take me up on it.
September 20-21, 2014 Minneapolis, MN: Qoya classes and Intro to Qoya Teacher Training
October 4-6, 2014 Austin, TX: Qoya classes and Intro to Qoya teacher training
October 17-20, 2014 Woodstock, NY: Qoya Retreat and Intro to Qoya Teacher Training
November 1-2, 2014 Vancouver, Canada: Qoya classes and Intro to Qoya teacher training
January 23-28, 2015 New Zealand: Qoya CO-ED Retreat
March 21-28, 2015 Costa Rica: Qoya Teacher Training Intensive
March 28-April 4, 2015 Costa Rica: Qoya 6th Annual Retreat- SOLD OUT
April 4-11, 2015 Costa Rica: Qoya 6th Annual Retreat
Questions? Reach out at firstname.lastname@example.org! We'd love to hear from you.